Club wielding imps were nothing. I took them out with some well-placed Mentos and a Pepsi bottle. But the assassin sent more fantasy creatures to dispatch me. There were creatively concealed as always. My box of Corn Pops did not hold delicious corn bites, but rather, unicorns. They came charging out as I poured milk in my bowl. Unicorn Pops! I screamed. Luckily, I remembered Tinker Bell from Peter Pan and called out, “I don’t believe in unicorns!” They burst into flames and died a horrible death.
I packed my belongings and prepared to move again. If I kept going place to place maybe the diabolical zookeeper would lose interest. Or he would run out of fantasy creatures. I mean, really, how many could he spare? I was about to find out.
Before I went to the store I put on a fake mustache and parachute pants. If I picked items at random there was no way a pixie or unicorns could hide inside them. I became so confident I grabbed some of everything: Mountain Dew, M&Ms, deli meats, and so on.
I opened the first can of Mountain Dew carefully and there were no monsters inside. It looked like I had finally fooled my nemesis. The M&Ms and deli meats were delectable together and I kept gorging myself until I had one left of everything. That’s when it happened. The can of Mountain Dew let out a rabid Mountain Dew Goat. The M&Ms released the Minotaur from Greek mythology. I had no weapons to defend myself and a serious case of indigestion.
This is the third installment in the Pop Wars Saga started with Sprite...followed by Rasher of Bacon and Club Soda by Chris McQueeney.