Sunday, December 18, 2011
Unemployment Rate Hits 100%
No one is quite sure how it happened. It may have been the result of a double dip recession turned depression; it may have been banks continuing to invest heavily in Europe. Either way, it appears one-hundred percent of Americans are now unemployed. The super-rich are even out of jobs, as nearly every company has failed or is in the process of bankruptcy. Farmers have stopped harvesting; government employees have been suspended indefinitely. Even this reporter is freelancing this story, hoping desperately for buyers in a hopeless market. Basic utilities across the board have become imperiled as well. Power and water facilities have no one to run them, and no money to operate. Stores long since looted, city-dwellers are taking to growing their own food from seeds in the parking lots and abandoned buildings most have holed up in. The President of the United States, long the last individual receiving a salary, recently resigned as his cabinet had months before. He is now currently residing in a dumpster outside the Capitol Building. His cardboard sign says THE END IS NEAR. And he may just be right.