Because You're Worth It!

YOUR CORPORATE PROMOTIONAL PLAY

CHARACTERS

JACK

REGINA

TED

JOANNE

NED

SETTING

An office with cubicles.

            [JACK is typing on the computer before suddenly realizing the audience]

JACK

Oh, hi there!  My name is Jack.  It’s the year 2024 and the world is finally rid of government!  Let’s take a look!

            [Starts walking between cubicles]

Without pesky regulation the market was finally allowed to flourish.  It takes care of all of us, like a big ole daddy!  Here comes the boss now; that entrepreneur, that master of industry!

            [BOSS gives JACK a noogie and slaps the rear of REGINA, a female.employee]

BOSS

[To Regina]

I’ll see you in my office or

            [Points and winks]

You’re fired.

            [REGINA weeps openly]

JACK

Isn’t that right, Regina?  A big ole daddy?

            [She nods through sobbing]

Don’t feel bad for Regina.  She’s got a job, after all.

REGINA

I wish I were dead.

JACK

That’s a poor attitude.  At least you can afford to eat.

REGINA

I ate half a slice of bread for dinner last night.  My landlord’s evicting me because I don’t look attractive enough.

JACK

Hey, now, it’s his property.  You don’t have to live there.  Let’s move on! 

            [Starts walking]

Bathroom breaks were terrible for productivity into the twentieth and twenty-first century.  Now… there aren’t any!

            [He approaches another employee, TED, who is squirming as if needing to pee]

Isn’t that right, Ted?

TED

[Jittery]

Yes.  Can I go yet?

JACK

How many breaks have you taken today?

TED

One… at lunch.

JACK

See now, you did it on your own time.  Keep it up!

TED

I only got two minutes for lunch and that’s because the manager had fallen asleep.

JACK

Work hard and maybe you can sleep too!  The possibilities are endless in our corporate paradise!

TED

I guess…

JACK

[Patting Ted’s back]

Good man.

            [Walks away]

A lot of people were worried about healthcare a decade or so ago.  The problem, I’m proud to say, was finally solved: by incinerating the sick!

            [Approaches a sickly looking JOANNE]

How’s that jaundice, Joanne?

JOANNE

[Through gritted teeth]

What jaundice?

JACK

Oh, that Joanne!  I’ll give her another week before corporate turns the flames back on.  Let’s go and see the break room.

            [Takes another corner]

I bet you thought I was serious for a second.  There are no break rooms.  There are torture chambers, though.  Corporal punishment is returning in a big, big way.  Isn’t that right, Ned?  Don’t be shy!

NED

Hi.

JACK

Why so shaky, Ned?
.

NED

I was just lashed for forty minutes straight.

JACK

And I bet you learned your lesson, didn’t you?

NED

Yes, no more yawns that sound like sighs.

JACK

That’s right.  Isn’t he a trooper?

            [A siren sounds]

That must mean another revolution!  I’m going to go die valiantly for my corporate leaders now.  Thank you for watching this promotional play.  Remember, together, we can and will keep the market free!

            [BOSS, TED, JOANNE, NED and JACK all give meek thumbs up]

END OF PLAY