Thursday, February 18, 2010

Oh,That Romney!

This is a little segment on the Spice I like to call Oh, That Romney!

Republican Mitt Romney blistered President Barack Obama for a squandered first year of policy failures and broken promises on Thursday, informally auditioning before a key part of the GOP base for the chance to challenge the Democrat in 2012.

Criticizing him for failing at policies and promises you opposed? So you wanted him to succeed? You didn't? You're hysteric Mitt, get a grip! Oh, that Romney!

"President Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and their team have failed the American people, and that is why their majority will be out the door"

Or maybe you've just ushered in the most intense age of partisanship the nation's seen in a hundred and fifty years? Or maybe the Republicans took a budget surplus and made it into a raging boner of a deficit, ready to take it to the next generation? At least the Dems spending actually created jobs and got us on a course where we could pay on our debt. Your party's too busy contradicting itself while simultaneously bitch slapping American prosperity with inaction and incompetence. Oh, that Romney!

"As a Massachusetts man, who, like my fellow Bay-staters, has over the years, been understandably regarded somewhat suspiciously in gatherings like this, let me take just a moment" to rejoice in a Scott Brown victory.

First of all, you're from Michigan. Second, you rejoice in crippling gridlock. I hope your kid steals your credit card and buys a yacht, and you can't call the bank to stop the Mercedes purchase because you've been tethered to your own pile of excrement. And the more you struggle, the more shit falls over you. That's an analogy for how great you've made America. Oh, that Romney!

"He [Obama] has prolonged the recession, expanded the pain of unemployment, and added to the burden of debt we will leave future generations," Romney said.

Romney having blasted Obama for prolonging the recession, while weeping inside that he never quite mastered mathematics. Oh, that Romney!

Romney argued that Obama broke his promises of transparency and a new kind of politics. And Romney charged Obama with "the most blatant and reprehensible manifestation of political payoff in modern memory"

In Romney's defense he has terrible ADD. He sees practically everything is on CSPAN but turns to Cartoon Network to root for the coyote. Oh, that Romney! P.S. He really thinks the Acme products will work everytime no matter how many times they seem to fail.

Pumping up the GOP, Romney said: "The people of America are looking to conservatives for leadership, and we must not fail them."

When pressed for the definition of leadership Romney said: defeating Obama and umm... tax cuts? Oh, that Romney!

He said conservatives would strengthen the economy, U.S. security, and the nation's families, though he acknowledged that not everything on the agenda is popular.

Economy- letting Wall-Street run wild until we bail them out again. Security- Four pronged strategy of torturing, killing, denying justice and vanquishing dissent. Families- the gays have got to go.. but not into the military. And as to what is not popular on the agenda... everything. Oh, that Romney!

Still, he said: "The American people have shown that they are ready for truth to trump hope. The truth is that government is not the solution to all our problems."

Or any, and that's Mitt Romney's promise to you, the voter. He will work his darndest to get nothing done, no matter how much we need it, or how agonizing things get. He's an idealist like that. Oh, that Romney!
If you're reading this, you are under my power. Go kick Romney in the nuts.

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