This week on Medical Mysteries we examine House Minority Leader John Boehner. Ordinary man, or man with a dark secret? If you've failed to notice, he exhibits all the signs of acute carrotiatus. Overtime he has become oranger and oranger, and increasingly root-like. He finds it impossible to move from a fixed position, even for something he wants, say, for instance, fertilizer. Although, some say he has produced his own manure for this of late.
The politician shows a love of dirt as well. He has spent most of his adult life buried in it. Mr. Boehner possesses an affinity for vegetables through this, sometimes even having sex with them. His personal garden has been coined the 'love nest.'
Although, this Mr. Boehner appears to be a carrot through his nature and orange complexion, I would strongly urge you to not accept juice from him. His carrot juice lacks the nutrients you would normally find. In fact, you will turn into an onion, and he will have his way with you. Layer by layer.