I'm trying to put my feelings for my grandfather into context. I think there was much unsaid and unresolved between us at the time of his death. The first step, obviously is being as honest as I'm able with my feelings.
For Grandpa
your heroic days were stories
that I never saw but I believed.
I wish I knew you then and
not the hardened man
I can’t remember having
a sincere embrace with.
then again, I wish I took the time
to understand the way you were;
why you cried when grandma died
and then remarried not long after.
it didn’t make sense and neither
did the illness that took over
when she didn’t love you
the same way or much at all.
Beautifully written memories !!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, GS. I'm glad I could share them.
DeleteSo much to sort through, so much to understand. "I wish I knew you then" so often we long to know our loved ones 'better selves' Peace.
ReplyDeleteSo true, Barbara.
DeleteThis resonated with me, as I had a very close relationship with my late grandfather. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about him. Sounds like your relationship was complicated but special nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteI think it was. We both loved history.
DeleteI get this. The grandfather I met was not a nice guy at all and liked to put people down constantly. I was very surprised when he'd named me a pallbearer, as I barely knew him. These lines were most resonating:
ReplyDelete"I can’t remember having
a sincere embrace with."
I was a pallbearer too.
Delete