Sunday, July 08, 2012

Line Across the Room



The old bit where they draw
a line across the room
but one still needs a bathroom,
the other a way out
became our hearts
as both were split
unevenly and jagged
with a shaky knife
held sobbing
while we screamed
our insides out
in vain.

24 comments:

  1. Oh, my God. I have never read a poem that more succinctly or painfully vividly described divorce or any kind of concious split of loved ones from one another. I burst out crying when I read it. Well, done, Ben. Outstanding piece of work, but, then, too, for you to know this makes me sad ... and I can only hope it is drawn from the well of experience and not immediate experience.

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  2. Oh, yes, the I just got back with the bucket of well words and spread them on the page ;)

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    1. But wow. I can't believe my words did that. I guess I was caught a little off guard in the first comment. It's often surprising when words can make others feel the way you have.

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    2. I wasn't particularly clear in my comment, but, for the record, your reply made me laugh and I was glad I was not drinking water or something at the time or I would have hurt my keyboard.

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    1. Oh, what do you mean, Chris? I was trying to be funny in the last reply. Sorry if it came off another way :(

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    2. no Ben...that was a personal reaction to the poem...the last three lines. you are a good poetry host...no feelers squashed here:-)!

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  4. Another great write..Your words are very powerful Ben. Love it..

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  5. I can't say I relate, but, taking the comedic scene from fiction then turning it for real life is a great illustration. Well made.

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    Replies
    1. The transition between the two worried me. Still not sure I made it smoothly.

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  6. this seductively hit my funny bone.

    nice!

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  7. Well I know this. The jagged knife, and how....HOW do you divide a thing that was supposed to be a whole? I hate myself sometimes, and wish to be something I am not. Most often I wish to be something that I am not. To accept that I am not? Well...I suppose that is the lesson.

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    1. Well I'm wishing for you to always be as you are, Annie!

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  8. Llevaba mucho tiempo sin pasarme por aqui, y bueno, por todos los blogs, esque lo he tenido un poco descuidado y he pasado malos momentos...
    A good entry, Ben, i have missed your blog so much! kisses

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  9. hi ben, nice to meet you. while i'm reading this poem, i'm wondering if betrayal is part of this heartbreak. i think that is so often a part of why love fails, but you write this as if two people are still together in their pain and loss.

    thank you for your kind words about me on mr. wander's blog.

    xo
    kj

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  10. always appreciate the visuals you create with words.

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    1. I think it comes from wanting to be a painter ;)

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  11. I agree with Aguilar - your descriptive words are very powerful

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You've found your way inside my head and now there's no way out!