The old bit where they draw
a line across the room
but one still needs a bathroom,
the other a way out
became our hearts
as both were split
unevenly and jagged
with a shaky knife
held sobbing
while we screamed
our insides out
in vain.
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Oh, my God. I have never read a poem that more succinctly or painfully vividly described divorce or any kind of concious split of loved ones from one another. I burst out crying when I read it. Well, done, Ben. Outstanding piece of work, but, then, too, for you to know this makes me sad ... and I can only hope it is drawn from the well of experience and not immediate experience.
ReplyDeleteOh, yes, the I just got back with the bucket of well words and spread them on the page ;)
ReplyDeleteBut wow. I can't believe my words did that. I guess I was caught a little off guard in the first comment. It's often surprising when words can make others feel the way you have.
DeleteI wasn't particularly clear in my comment, but, for the record, your reply made me laugh and I was glad I was not drinking water or something at the time or I would have hurt my keyboard.
DeleteOuch Ben ouch!
ReplyDeleteOh, what do you mean, Chris? I was trying to be funny in the last reply. Sorry if it came off another way :(
Deleteno Ben...that was a personal reaction to the poem...the last three lines. you are a good poetry host...no feelers squashed here:-)!
DeleteAnother great write..Your words are very powerful Ben. Love it..
ReplyDeleteThanks, Susie :) Glad you liked it!
DeleteI can't say I relate, but, taking the comedic scene from fiction then turning it for real life is a great illustration. Well made.
ReplyDeleteThe transition between the two worried me. Still not sure I made it smoothly.
DeleteI think you did.
Deletethis seductively hit my funny bone.
ReplyDeletenice!
That's an interesting interpretation ;)
DeleteWell I know this. The jagged knife, and how....HOW do you divide a thing that was supposed to be a whole? I hate myself sometimes, and wish to be something I am not. Most often I wish to be something that I am not. To accept that I am not? Well...I suppose that is the lesson.
ReplyDeleteWell I'm wishing for you to always be as you are, Annie!
DeleteLlevaba mucho tiempo sin pasarme por aqui, y bueno, por todos los blogs, esque lo he tenido un poco descuidado y he pasado malos momentos...
ReplyDeleteA good entry, Ben, i have missed your blog so much! kisses
Thank you :-) I've missed you too!
Deletehi ben, nice to meet you. while i'm reading this poem, i'm wondering if betrayal is part of this heartbreak. i think that is so often a part of why love fails, but you write this as if two people are still together in their pain and loss.
ReplyDeletethank you for your kind words about me on mr. wander's blog.
xo
kj
I meant all of them, KJ :)
Deletealways appreciate the visuals you create with words.
ReplyDeleteI think it comes from wanting to be a painter ;)
DeleteI agree with Aguilar - your descriptive words are very powerful
ReplyDeleteThanks, OE! :)
Delete