A Public Service Message Regarding "Mean People"

They doubted us.  They put us down.  Now, we finally have the last laugh.  Most of you already know the story.  The Kindness Acts of 2014 were enacted finally putting an end to America’s most insufferable nuisance.  I speak of course of mean people; always hating, thinking of themselves.  They came in all forms; our neighbors, women, men, Black, White and Hispanic. They shared however a common sickness and aversion to the interests of others.

At first prisons would not hold the vast numbers of undesirables collected from their homes and beaten for good measure.  This was quickly fixed.  Mean people together merely grew into mean mobs the rest of us could not trust.  The only humane thing to do, the Supreme Council decided, was execution.  I know what you’re thinking.  We became the very evil we fought.  It is far more complicated than that, however.  We’re very nice to talk with and would not dream of hurting a fellow nicey.

Mean people are simply not human.  You may think they are from appearance.  Biologically, much is similar.  Yet, nicey scientists have discovered a mean gene.  This mean gene switches on sometime around puberty completely destroying all spiritual value in a given individual.

Your children might already be infected.  Do not grow close to them.  For the benefit of all niceys they must be eradicated.  If it helps, think of your child or other loved ones as a plague upon humanity.  Their meanness will be the death of all good people.  It only takes one before the poison spreads.

What specific behaviors should you look for?  If a child or adult laughs at another’s misfortune or appears uppity a serious alarm should ring in your mind.  If a woman rejects your advances she has most obviously succumb to sickness.  It is your duty to report all such and any behavior to the Supreme Council.  Do not be timid.  Your courage is the difference between a perfect and imperfect world.