Tuesday, December 13, 2011
An Open Letter to Ben Ditmars from Death
Hey, I bet you think I'm losing my touch? No chance! I've killed two-hundred kittens in the last hour. Thank Satan for Red Bull! I don't give up, I don't take no prisoners! Okay, okay, if I have something really important to do I might take a few. You know like when a rerun of Seinfeld happens to be on. I just love that Kramer guy. Hey, he wasn't racist then! He wasn't dammit! Don't tell me what to like! The point is, you made me look like a chump Ben. People are going to start jumping off buildings for fun now, just to mock me. What!? They already do? There's no way that's a sport! I suppose they leap out of airplanes too for the thrill of it? Mother-fuckers! I've obviously got a lot of fear left to strike into the hearts of the human population. Oh, wait. Fox News has me covered. Their viewers fear me ALL the time; from immigrants, leftists and all sorts of dark-skinned people. Honestly they don't even have to be a race apart from whites; they just need to spend an hour at a tanning bed and Hannity will devote a show to taking their rights away. All right, I should wrap this up. I guess I won't kill you, Ben. For now.