Thursday, April 28, 2011

Election Day

I voted once and only once.  It was on a Tuesday morning.  An old lady looked at my ID, smiled, showed me to a booth.  It was a powerful, cathartic experience as I left, taking my sticker.  I knew no matter what the critics said I had made a difference in the world that day.

But as always when things appear too good, it had to change.

The people in Washington, in their infinite wisdom changed the voting day to Monday.  And then to Thursday.  And finally back to Monday.  No one was exactly sure what motive lied behind this.  Some said they were angry because too many people were voting that shouldn’t.  So they had to make it harder.

They most definitely succeeded if that was their intent.  The polls the next year opened at 4 a.m. and promptly closed at 4:15.  I wasn’t one of the lucky ones that got inside.

A friend of mine, who had camped out the night before told me getting in was merely the easy part.  Once inside he was required to provide a valid driver’s license.  Then a long form birth certificate.  Then a social security card.  Then fingerprints.  Then toe prints.  Then an iris scan.  In between the administration of an IQ test and paying his poll taxes he asked what all this was costing the American public.  They didn’t answer.  They did however, conclude with a full body cavity search and determine he was indeed a United States citizen.  But the polls were long since closed by then.

The election results came as little shock to most.  Coca Cola became the new Senate majority with 51 seats.  Frito Lay managed to maintain their hold on the House of Representatives, but it was very close call.  As expected President Exxon Mobile won reelection in a landslide; 100 million percent! 

As I drank my Mellow Yellow, with drinking Mountain Dew now punishable by death,  I considered the new world order.  The companies had always had the power they possessed but still.  I missed the feeling of democracy.


  1. I'm serious about the Shouts and Murmers in the New Yorker. And I don't recall if you answered. Have you ever sent any of this in? It's pretty much exactly what they print in that section. It's awesome!

  2. I'll look more into it :)

    I just always imagined the New Yorker as a publication that only really established writers got into.


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