Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Confessions of a Wall Street Executive

Hello on what I assume is called a blog.  Forgive me if I am more familiar with my gold writing tablet.  On any normal day I, or more likely my assistant, would sit down the Hope Diamond and transcribe.  You thought it was actually inside the Smithsonian?  For everyone to see?  No.  That’s adorable.  But wrong.

I have bought time on this blog today to tell you something.  I say bought loosely.  My chef cooked Ben a ham that he’s gnawing on.  The boy just doesn’t ask questions when there’s ham.

But, in regards to the last election.  A lot of you think I bought the new Republican majority.  But it simply isn’t true.  I have more than enough power.  Do you really think I, driving Ferraris and Bugattis would ever want an institution as slow and constipated as the U.S. congress?  No, what would it offer me?  I don’t wait for things to be done.  They are done almost instantly the moment I say.  So, please America, don’t think I’m controlling the government.  I control far more vast and important things, crucial to your everyday existence.  I could probably get you shot right now with very little questions asked.  In fact, I might.  Hear that knocking?  It’s not a girl scout.


  1. Oh the days when girl scouts knocked. Now they have adapted gorrilla warfare. I suppose someone lectured them on activism.

  2. I love it! You should write for Shouts and Murmers in the New Yorker.

  3. I would try to get in but I read somewhere they only want established writers.


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