Wayne found Phil partied out again,
Lying in the gutter drunk and bloodied.
He and Garth rushed him to the ER
In the Mirth Mobile but –
He didn’t make it.
Blunt-force trauma listed
As the cause of death,
Things could never be the same again,
Wayne realized going through the funeral.
He quit his cable show
And got a job reporting news
On scene for channel 10 Aurora.
Scwing gave way to touching story
Asphinctersayswhat became and back to you, Tom.
Garth hardly saw him while he toured,
And squandered money on his drugs and alcohol,
Eventually going bankrupt, being forced to
Sell guitar picks at a local record shop.
He wasn’t made best man
When Cassandra married Wayne,
Nor was Garth the Godfather
Of any of their kids.
It seemed the two had parted ways
Saying they would hang out on the phone
But never really doing so.
Wayne’s family didn’t get his jokes
Or references to Star Trek.
His kids pleaded when their friends arrived
That he'd refrain from using NOT.
But Wayne wanted back his younger days
When he had dreams of things
Copious, capacious, cajunga
Instead of merely good.
Cassandra frequently chastised him
For old jokes at which she used to laugh.
Wayne called marriage punishment for shoplifting
And she didn’t talk to him for weeks.
Ex-squeeze me? Baking powder?
Got old like pull my finger.
Rating young women on
The stroke-ability scale
Had landed Wayne
It didn’t take that long
For Cassandra to divorce him,
After giving him his hundredth try.
But Wayne couldn’t quite grow up, and
Sitting all alone inside his studio apartment.
He repeated to himself:
She will be mine.
Oh, yes - she will be mine.