Saturday, December 11, 2010

Secret Agent Gnome

Krista:  Hey Hafrank, can we not have an adventure that’s topical or trendy for once?

Hafrank:  Of course; just let me finish sending these classified documents to Der Spiegel.

Krista:  Oh my!

There's a gnome who leads a life of quasi-danger.
To everyone he meets he’s friendly and totally not a stranger.
With every acorn-pie he makes, another chance at culinary excellence he takes.
Odds are with Krista, Nick and John Travolta around it won’t live to see tomorrow.

Secret agent gnome
Secret agent gnome
They've given you a red hat,
and taken away your fruit-cart.

Announcer:  This episode is brought to you by Mastercard… NOT.

Hafrank:  Take that diplomacy!

Krista:  Hafraaank, this is a bad idea!

Hafrank:  The world needs transparency Krista and I provide that.

Krista:  But at what cost?

Hafrank:  Shut up GW!  Now, to release these vulnerable places terrorists should attack.

Krista:  Oh, Hafrank, this is bad.  Why not expose real injustices like you used too?

Hafrank:  Like when my allowance didn’t meet the federal requirements for minimum wage?

Krista:  Exactly!

Hafrank:  I can’t Krista, it would ruin my ego trip.  Now, this hospital looks like a good place to bomb as does this life saving medicine manufacturer!

Krista:  You’ve left me no choice.

Hafrank:  What do you mean?

Krista:  I’m going to have to ground you.

Hafrank:  Noooo!  If you do a whole bunch of embarrassing documents about you will be released and I will be a martyr.

Krista:  To whom?

Hafrank:  John Travolta.

John Travolta:  Heck yes, he will!

Krista:  Johnny, if you support Hafrank, we’ll cut you off financially.

John Travolta:  That doesn’t seem very fair.

Krista:  It might not, but I’m the law in this house, and other houses… also England.

Nick walks in wearing a night cap.  Also, drinking one

Nick:  What’s going on in here?

Krista:  Hafrank’s becoming a super villain.

Nick:  Relax, Krista, it’s a toy computer.

Toy computer:  The cow says… Julian Assange did some great things with exposing Abu Graib, Guantanamo, despotism in Africa and other injustices but seems to have lost his way in breaking down diplomatic relations and exposing vulnerable locations to attack.  It seems he’s using information more as a weapon to fight his own battles anymore than something to enlighten the world toward greater understanding and cooperation amongst peoples.

Krista:  That toy computer says some conveniently ironic things.

Nick:  No, it’s completely random.

Toy computer:  Although explored by the Spanish early in the 16th century, initial attempts at colonizing Costa Rica proved unsuccessful due to a combination of factors, including: disease from mosquito-infested swamps, brutal heat, resistance by natives, and pirate raids.

Nick:  See.

Krista:  Well, I guess you’re right…

Toy Computer:  Revenge is a dish best served cold… bitch.

Krista:  Oh, Come on!

Hafrank:  Oh, toy computer!

Gordon Gee:  Oh come let's sing Ohio's praise
And songs to Alma Mater raise
While our hearts rebounding thrill
With joy which death alone can still
Summer's heat or winter's cold
The seasons pass the years will roll
Time and change will surely show
How firm thy friendship ... OHIO!

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