Friday, August 13, 2010

For Profit

Narrator: It is the year 2020 and America has become a true capitalist state.  The only legal political entity is the Republican Party.

Bailiff: The sole Supreme Court Justice John Roberts is now presiding.

Justice John Roberts: Mt. Dew has paid me more than you, therefore for saying Dr. Pepper tastes better I sentence you to twenty years in prison.

Defendant: What about justice?

Justice John Roberts: There is no justice only profit and loss; I profit and it’s your loss.  Next.

Defendant taken away; another brought in

Defendant: Judge, show mercy.  I can’t go back to prison.  The guards and warden work us to the bone for capital gain.

Justice John Roberts: You should be proud!  The strength of our capitalist system is envied the world over!

Defendant: It isn’t though, the other countries pity our police state.

Justice John Roberts: I do not know where your elitist facts come from but they are 105% wrong.  I add fifty years to your sentence for unauthorized news viewing.  Next.

Defendant: When did this become law?

Justice John Roberts: When Fox wrote it.  Next.

Defendant taken away; another brought in

Defendant: Justice John Roberts I don’t know why I’m here.

Justice John Roberts: You have lost your job and cannot pay bills.  Before you protest towards some sort of welfare state, being the dirty leach you are, we have determined to execute you.

Defendant: Who do you mean by ‘we?’

Justice John Roberts: My corporate friends and I.

Defendant is shot in the court room; another brought in

Ah, the Second Amendment; the only one left!

Defendant: You may take my freedom but never my pride!

Justice John Roberts: What’s this?  It says you were union organizing.  I shall kill you myself!

Justice John Roberts strangles the defendant


Bailiff: Sir, there are none.

Justice John Roberts: How can that be?

Bailiff: Everyone in the U.S. is either dead, in prison or working for a prison.

Justice John Roberts: What about my corporate friends?

Bailiff: They committed suicide weeks ago.

Justice John Roberts: The Mountain Dew executives?

Bailiff: The price of healthcare rose too high and they decided to move overseas.

Justice John Roberts: But what about our capitalist, free market utopia?

Bailiff: You’re looking at it.

Justice John Roberts: At least we have each other.

Bailiff: Sir, I’m taking my family to France.  As much as I agree with Fox News we need medical attention.

Justice John Roberts: But the United States has the best healthcare system in the world!

Bailiff: Not on my salary.

Bailiff leaves

Justice John Roberts: Well I’d rather die a lonely capitalist than a happy socialist.

John Roberts shoots himself
That's all folks!


  1. As always, a fantastic play. You're so good at these!

  2. :)

    Always so happy to read your comments. They mean so much.


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