Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Gnomahis

Gnome Company
Gnome Company Always on the run
Destiny is the garden's rising sun
Oh Hafrank was born with a flower in his hand
Behind a root he'll make my final stand
That's why they call it gnome company
And you can't deny
Gnome company
Till the day we die
Till the day we die

Krista: Hafrank, step on it!

Hafrank: My legs aren’t long enough to drive!

Krista: Nick, step on the peddles for him!

Nick: Wouldn’t this be easier if I just dr-

Krista: NOW!

Nick: Why are we in Washington D.C. anyway?

Krista: I want to crash the White House State dinner.

Nick: Why?

Krista: The Salahi’s almost did it again, but their limo got stopped. The point is it’s dangerously easy to meet the president and we must take advantage of the situation.

Hafrank: Will you tell him to install carrots in all public buildings? Gnomes like to climb carrots.

Krista: No, I’m going to ask him for money, of course.

Nick: We wouldn’t be in the red if you hadn’t insisted on an impromptu vacation.

Krista: Either way, it’s our only hope.

Nick: What if we just send him an email?

Krista: Nick, what did I tell you about practical thinking?

Nick: Keep it to myself.

Krista: That’s right.

Hafrank: I can’t see over the steering wheel either.

Krista: What about the mushroom I got you to sit on?

Hafrank: It’s become a suppository.

Krista: And later it will be fertilizer, a win, win.

Announcer: Ewe, Hafrank. Just dirty. Plain dirty. We’ll be right back.

Hafrank: Hello, again. I bought this blog time because I knew the announcer would have pithy remark about my latest antic. Little does he know I poisoned his microphone! Ha ha ha!

Announcer: Death… it hurts! Looks like I’m going to announcer heaven, where everything’s dramatic and coming this summer.

Krista: Hafrank, that wasn’t very nice. Now we don’t get a commercial break.

Hafrank: Of course we do, I hired a narrator.

Narrator: Yo.

Krista: Hi there sweet voice.

Narrator: Mrs. Krista, I think you’re trying to seduce me.

Dustin Hoffman: Stay outta my lines bitch!

Hafrank: Hey, you still have Midnight Cowboy.

Dustin Hoffman: That’s true.

Dustin Hoffman limps away

Nick: Hafrank, you haven’t been paying attention to the road! Stop with the whimsical banter already!

Hafrank: It doesn’t matter; it’s not like I can see.

Krista: I’ve been looking for you.

Hafrank: Does it really make sense that Nick’s working the pedals, I’m steering and you’re watching the road?

Krista: Of course, families do things together.

Hafrank: How many people have I hit?

Krista: Well, like I said, families do things together, and a lot of them are dying together.

Hafrank: Looks like I’ll be going to gnome hell.

Krista: What happens there?

Hafrank: The garden doesn’t grow… EVER!

Krista: That does sound harsh. Do you have purgatory?

Hafrank: Pergo-what? I don’t think Hell has wood flooring. It’d burn up in the fire.

Krista: No, purgatory, the place you go where you’re in limbo and nothing happens. You just sit there for all eternity.

Hafrank: I’m pretty sure that’s heaven.

Nick: I haven’t braked in like twenty minutes.

Krista: It’s a good thing this limo has four-wheel drive or it’d get stuck in the carnage.

Hafrank: Let’s break out the champagne!

Nick: Are you sure that’s wise?

Hafrank: We can only drive better at this point.

Krista: What did I tell you? Families that drive together stay together!

Hafrank: I think we’ve stopped. Where are we Krista?

Krista: We’ve crashed the White House party. Quite literally.

Hafrank: Wow, look at that rose garden! It’s like a buffet!

Hafrank jumps out to chew on roses

Nick: I thought gnomes respected the sanctity of gardens.

Krista: Just their own; they’re competitive like that.

Barack Obama: Who are you?

Krista: Two humans and a gnome. We’re a, uh, group of strippers.

Barack Obama: All right, you’ll be on in five minutes then. Just remember, I like tassels.

Nick: The tabloids were true!

Barack Obama: Of course they are, you don’t think CNN has it right, do you?

Krista: Oh, Bama!

Barack Obama: Oh, Nick!

Hafrank: Oh, delicious garden, I have your powers now!

John Travolta: I had to take my plane all the way here, why didn’t anyone tell me they were leaving?

Krista: You were asleep in your cat box, and we didn’t want to wake you.

John Travolta: Well you should have. Everyone knows I play with yarn at 11 O’clock sharp, Monday through Thursday.

Hafrank: Here, have some Johnny-nip.

John Travolta: Goes down smooth... like a groove.

Krista:  Johnny, stop singing the blues.

John Travolta:  But I'm a successful actor you treat like a cat.

Krista:  Good point.


  1. Hahaha.

    Oh Bama!

    loved it, as always. :-D

    Thanks for this GCO treat Ben!

  2. I always think of how H'y will respond while writing :)


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