The Wind Waker Reimagined

This is but one of the legends of which the Republicans speak...

 Long ago, there existed a democracy where the golden power of Capitalism lay hidden.
 
It was a prosperous land blessed with low-inflation, factories, and lax environmental regulation.
 
But one day a Democrat of great evil found the golden power and took it for himself...
 
With its strength at his command, Jimmy Carter spread darkness across the democracy.
 
But then, when gas prices rose, and the hour of doom seemed at hand...
 
...an old Ronald Reagan clothed in green appeared as if from nowhere.
 
Wielding the Iranian Hostage Crisis of evil's bane, he sealed the dark Jimmy Carter away and gave America light.
 
This politician, who traveled through time to save the land, was known as the Reagan of Time.
 
The man's tale was passed down through generations until it became legend...
 
But then...a day came when a fell wind began to blow across the democracy.
 
The democrat that all thought had been forever sealed away by the hero...
 
... crept forth from the depths of Chicago, eager to resume its dark socialist designs.
 
The Republicans believed that the Reagan of Time would again come to save them.
 
...But the hero did not appear.
 
Faced by an onslaught of free healthcare, the Republicans could do nothing but appeal to the Founding Fathers.
 
In their last hour, as doom drew nigh, they left their future in the hands of fate.
 
What became of that democracy...? None remain who know.
 
The memory of America vanished, but its legend survived on the wind's breath.
 
On a certain island, it became customary to garb boys in green when they came of age.
 
Clothed in the green of cash, they aspired to find heroic blades and cast down liberals.
 
The elders wished only for the youths to know courage like the Reagan of legend...