Wayne's World?

Wayne found Phil partied out again,

Lying in the gutter drunk and bloodied.

He and Garth rushed him to the ER

In the Mirth Mobile but –

He didn’t make it.

Blunt-force trauma listed

As the cause of death,

With hemorrhaging,

Internal bleeding.

Things could never be the same again,

Wayne realized going through the funeral.

He quit his cable show

And got a job reporting news

On scene for channel 10 Aurora.

Scwing gave way to touching story

Asphinctersayswhat became and back to you, Tom.

Garth hardly saw him while he toured,

And squandered money on his drugs and alcohol,

Eventually going bankrupt, being forced to

Sell guitar picks at a local record shop.

He wasn’t made best man

When Cassandra married Wayne,

Nor was Garth the Godfather

Of any of their kids.

It seemed the two had parted ways

Saying they would hang out on the phone

But never really doing so.

Wayne’s family didn’t get his jokes

Or references to Star Trek.

His kids pleaded when their friends arrived

That he'd refrain from using NOT.

But  Wayne wanted back his younger days

When he had dreams of things

Copious, capacious, cajunga

Instead of merely good.

Cassandra frequently chastised him

For old jokes at which she used to laugh.

Wayne called marriage punishment for shoplifting

And she didn’t talk to him for weeks.

Ex-squeeze me? Baking powder?

Got old like pull my finger.

Rating young women on

The stroke-ability scale

Had landed Wayne

Restraining orders.

It didn’t take that long

For Cassandra to divorce him,

After giving him his hundredth try.

But Wayne couldn’t quite grow up, and

Sitting all alone inside his studio apartment.

He repeated to himself:

She will be mine.

Oh, yes - she will be mine.